It's like I keep getting pushed down and I can't get up....

On the way home today, my check engine light came on. 

I'm hoping the oil is just low but I haven't checked it yet.  I'd rather sleep tonight hoping that's the problem than check it and know it's not.  :( 

I will check it tomorrow.  If it's low, I will add some and have it changed on Monday.  The filter is old and it may just be leaking.  That's a best case scenario. 

Don't want to even consider a worst case scenario after sinking $2000 into it. 

I am so tired. 

Stupid dreams.  I really don't think about him any more.  If I do, I'm usually mad or frustrated or just disgusted. 

Maybe it's because I know that birthday party for him is this weekend?  I mean, I don't care, I really don't care. 

But I dreamed about him last night.  Just the way he used to be.  Maybe I just miss him, I don't know. 

I surely don't go to bed with the hope of dreaming about him. 

Why are dreams so real.  So real. 

*sigh*