Well...

Where to start...

Hindsight truly is 20/20.  What can I say, I trusted him.  Married for 27 years.  Now I look back and ugh.  I feel stupid.  The crappy way he's treating me, I just don't get.  My girl friend since high school, who happens to be a therapist said that the man you divorce is never the man you marry.

Divorce.  :( I don't want one, but it appears I have to figure that out.  I can't afford a lawyer.  Everyone says don't do it without a lawyer because of child support and alimony.  Especially the alimony.  I do want to get him where it pisses his girl friend off the most and that would be it.  She sends me the meanest texts from his phone pretending to be him.  Why he lets her do that I don't know.  He's probably sleeping when she does it.

Two weeks ago he sent a text asking to come home.  I just asked him what was wrong.  I think they'd just had a fight and she threatened to kick him out.  I never mentioned the texts to him.  He said he was fine.  He always says that, he's fine.

It's been over a month since he's asked to spend time with Zachary.  :( He says I'm making up lies about his girlfriend and making her look bad.  I'm not, what she's really done is enough, I don't have to make up lies to make her look bad.  I can't help if Zachary lived through that crap with me and saw me suffer.  The house is small, I can't hide. I am actually a nice person that wouldn't make stuff like that up.  Honestly, I can't make stuff like that up! It's all just so juvenile.

I'm so tired.

This house is falling apart.  We need a different place to live, the sooner the better.  If we could buy that would make things so much easier.  Renting is harder, we are trying but between the dog and the amount of houses available for rent that allow dogs, then they have to like you....it's hard.  There are apartments, but we'll have to give away/sell most of what we own to fit in one.  The reviews online for them are horrific as well.

My pool job starts Friday.  I am thankful for it this year.  I haven't been able to buy groceries since he left.  The kids have been buying it all.  I'm so broke.  I had to ask Eddie for money for Zachary for his beach day tomorrow.

Ken is paying for the rent and the house payment.  That's it.  I've been scrambling to pay the utilities and the car insurance and gas.  The kids have been buying all the groceries.

I'm exhausted.  Yeah, I mentioned that before, but I am tired.  He won't even help drive people places and he lives just a few miles away.  His own kids.  Even when I'm no where around.

This all doesn't make sense to me.  He had no father growing up.  I don't get it.  I didn't make the decision to have Zachary by myself.  We decided to have him together.

Our priority right now, is finding a decent place to live.  This place is so bad, I would be embarrassed to share all the issues there are here.  :(  I can't believe he left us here, in this crappy place and expects us to stay here.

Where did that guy go I married.  I miss him so.  :(