Zachary's Follow up Appointments....

Zachary had a follow up with a child psychiatrist and Ken and I had a follow up at the Autism Clinic.

Tuesday we went to Zachary's follow up with the child psychiatrist. She pretty much decided I was the cause of all his troubles before meeting us. Before beginning, she said what are your concerns? So, while talking about certain things, I would add in my concerns, because I thought she wanted us to. We'd been in her office for about 10 minutes and she turned to me and said "Mom, you're not going to like this, but you are a big cause of his problems. You interrupt him and you speak for him instead of letting him talk himself and he does just fine by himself." Oh. My. God. I got so upset. I started crying and never stopped. I do not do that to Zachary. I'm always telling him to speak up, tell his story himself, talk to people, say hi, whatever. She killed me with that! Then she turned to Ken and said "What about you Dad, you're awfully quiet, what do you have to say?" Ken is always quiet. His family always wondered how he started dating me because he was always so quiet. Anyway, I should move on here. She told us Zachary was not autistic and that he has an Anxiety Disorder. She's starting him on meds and we go back in a month to see how he's handling them. After that appointment, we are moving his grant to a clinic closer to where we live as that one is an hour away. If we had to see her more than once, I'd find someone else. It was frustrating because it's an hour away and so is the autism clinic. On Tuesday, the child psychiatrist gave us the results we had to drive an hour for on Friday. And then, she had no answers to our questions about explaining why he does things that aren't anxiety and things like that. Frustrating.

So, anyway, the rest of the week I spent second guessing everything I've done in raising Zachary, including breast feeding him. I was thinking perhaps our bond was too close? Not sending him to preschool at 3? I couldn't afford it that's for sure. Forcing him to do more with friends when he was asked? Forcing him to stay in a sport or try a new one? Kicking myself for letting that woman get to me and making me cry.

I love Zachary. I would never knowingly hurt him. I would not hold him back. I would not shelter him so much he wouldn't know how to live in the real world. Zachary is just Zachary. He's a great kid.

Today, Ken and I went to the Autism Clinic for his follow up. The Neurologist explained everything so much better. She told us that Zachary is borderline, at best, autistic, but he doesn't cross the line at all. She said that once he's treated for his anxiety, the other things should start to fade away. She also suggested gentle ways to get him socialized more. I have tried to get him to do some things, but he's not always willing, he's rarely willing. She said to wait until the meds start to work, then introduce him to some things. We are thinking Ti Kwan Do might be good. My sister offered to pay for it a few years ago, but I could not get Zachary to agree to go. So I asked her today if the offer was still there and she said yes. :) I have not mentioned it to him yet, I'm waiting for his meds to kick in because the doctor (we saw today) thought he might be more willing to try once he's on them for a while.

Zachary starts on Zoloft (the generic of it) tomorrow at a low dose, in a week we will double it, then after a month he will get checked to see how he is doing. I dread that appointment, but I shall suck it up as it is the last time we have to see that doctor.

I feel like this has been such a long road we've been down. I wonder if he had been seen a few years ago, what the diagnosis would have been. So many of the things she mentioned today, that she said indicate he is not autistic he truly did. I am happy for the progress he has made though, so we shall move forward and do what is best for him. :)

If you read all this, thank you for caring about my boy so much. :) He truly is a great kid. And he's out for the night, so I can take my tired sorry self to bed.