memes....

There are several memes being shared by friends that have the theme of...

If you grew up being spanked and survived and you're better for it.....

I was spanked.

I was beaten with a belt.  Yes, beaten.  Where ever it landed when he swung it. 

I was grabbed by the meat in my thigh (literally a chunk of my leg, flipped over, then beat with his fist until his anger subsided). He called it a spanking. 

It was abuse. 

It made me shy, unsure of myself, insecure, low self esteem, afraid of him and I still am. 

So, I hate those memes.  Hate them. 

Because I'm not okay.  I'm not fine.  I'm learning but I'm also older and wiser and wish I'd had more confidence years ago.