One more week down...

My car is getting so loud!! Wish I had the time to get it fixed!

I'm waiting on a support payment of almost $500, I can pay E back for my car insurance and H's phone bill.  Then I can see if they can quiet my car with the rest of the money.  I just need the time to do that! Ugh.  Maybe Wednesday, we shall see. 

I would love if it weren't so noisy.  Then I'd just (hopefully) have the air issue to deal with when (if) I get an income tax refund.  I know I'll get something, just the when and how much is the big question.  I have to pay A back for the lawyer with that too. 

Money money money!!!

Hopefully, I can get her done!! I'm trying!!

Just need to put my quilt together.  It's funny, I was working on it last night.  I was downstairs all alone.  I was lonely.  I was thinking how much I missed my other half (when things were good of course) and thought about how working on the quilt helped me think through those thoughts.  I did think about him, the marriage, what it was and where it went.  I thought it distracted me but instead it gave me time to think things through.  Funny isn't it? 

I've decided

When things were good, they were really good.  I know he loved me, I think he still does. I still love him but not the way I used to.  I also get that he can still love me, but not the way he used to.  I still wonder what went wrong. 

I do blame myself for my marriage failing.  I think I always will.  In the end, he chose to end it, so I don't blame myself for the marriage ending.  I believe my anxiety and the stress of taking care of all the kids (especially my baby) was stressful for us all. 

He chose to cheat and he chose to leave.  I gave it my all.  No reason to look back any more. 

It truly is my freedom quilt.  Made with love, for me.  :)