Loneliness sucks.

I miss hugs, kisses, companionship, my partener in raising my family.

I don't know if I will ever find love again. I feel like I have so much baggage. Baggage I'd never throw out. My kids are my world. Free to go when they're ready of course but I'm not kicking any out either.

I know he was the love of my life. Question is, can there be two of those in a lifetime?

50 seems old to start over again. Ugh...I mean 51 and probably almost 52 before I'm divorced.

I hate that word. :( something I never thought I'd have to go through. :( I hate what this is doing to Z. I know his Dad ignoring him hurts him.

If I say something then I'm told not to. I'm told if Z misses him Z should say something.

*sigh*

*life*